Pregnant Yogini Diaries

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23 Weeks Pregnant:  Today I want to thank to the heavens for my yoga practice, because what I have learned through this wonderful practice, is what has kept me motivated and strong. Before I got pregnant, I had this idea that my pregnancy was going to be something wonderful, easy and enjoyable; I mean, how could it not be? After all, I had worked so hard for it.  I followed all the guidelines you can possible think of,  and did everything I could to be “ready”; I had a very strong and consistent yoga practice that went along with a very healthy diet and lifestyle. Nothing could go wrong. Boy was I wrong! I should’ve known better.  Don Miguel Ruiz’s third agreement is “don’t make assumptions”, but my expectations were set up long before God finally gave me the wonderful gift to become a Mom.

As soon as week #5 hit, my motivation and strength went down the toilet, along with my breakfast, and most of the food I ate. Fruits and vegies were not an option anymore, because my body started to reject everything I used to love. The dizziness, headaches, vomiting, and fatigue got the best of me. I felt sick, weak, lazy and guilty. I was a yogi who could not longer do asana, and my breathing exercises were just not enough. Then, I founda new kind of motivation that helped me relieve my physical pain and even provided me with with happiness: Food. High calorie foods filled with lots of carbs. So that is what I have been doing. Eating to keep my body and soul happy and motivated. It may not sound like the best healthy choice for most of you, but it’s what has been working for me. Besides feeling tired, I don’t feel so sick anymore. Last time I checked I gained about 25 pounds, and that was about three weeks ago. Everyone keeps saying that I look too big to be 23 weeks pregnant. “Are you having twins?” “Oh look at that big belly, you must be about to pop out.” “Are you sure you are only 23 weeks pregnant?” and the best one “How come your belly is so big?” I discovered that pregnancies are just like our asanas, they are all different and what works for me, may not work for you; my pregnant body will not be able to do the things I used to dream of, but that doesn’t make me less of a yogi.  I can now go short walks and flow on my mat in a whole new different kind of way, and that is such a wonderful thing. This is my pregnancy journey, is very different than what I thought it would be, but I have learn to accept and embrace every single thing of it without any regrets. Because after all, I am just a yogi doing my very best.

25 Weeks Pregnant: 

Week 24 came and went relatively quickly; It was a tough week because I was traveling back from Colombia to my home in USA, and saying goodbye to my family and loved ones hasn’t always been an easy thing.  Thus, I was very wrong when I thought that our goodbyes were going to be the most difficult thing, about leaving my hometown.

Once in the airplane, a young lady came to me and asked me if I would change seats with her Mom, who was very sick and old, I couldn’t say no and so I agreed. Little did I know that my new seat was going to be right next to the emergency exit, which didn’t allow me to recline the chair, but I thought to myself “I am young and in good health, I can do this!” Six longest hours of my life. I managed to somehow sleep for hour and a half and if it weren’t for all the pranayama I did, I probably would have lost my mind. My body was retaining all the liquid and my hands and my feet got swollen.  I took my sandals off, and of course I ended up losing one of them.  The flight attendant very kindly offered to look for it once everybody was out of the plane, but there was no way on Earth I was going to wait for it to happen. I wanted out! Hence I only wore one sandal from the plane all the way to immigration, after I picked up my luggage. Hubby’s big hug of welcome made everything worth it. We got home and after a few hours with my feet up the wall, lots of water and a nap I was better.

I hit week 25 and to celebrate my husband invited me to go out, but I got very upset when I realized that the pregnancy dress I wanted to wear didn’t fit me anymore. I cried like a baby because I felt big, fat and ugly. He cooked and we stayed in for the night. A couple of days after, a weird pain in my pelvis made me stop my yoga practice. I was sitting down with my legs open, and my hands reaching forward, but something happened and I just couldn’t keep going, so I got up and went to sit down on the couch. After a couple hours I just couldn’t get up. It hurt, and it hurt so badly that I had to call hubby to take me to the Emergency room. It took us about 15 min to get from the door to the car, because lifting one foot away from the floor caused me an incredible amount of pain. I was sad, frustrated, scared and mostly, I was ashamed.

Ashamed of myself for crying and feeling depressed simply because a dress didn’t fit me. There I was, on my way to the hospital with an unbearable pain and praying that my baby was ok. Who cares about what I look like, or about all the extra pounds that my body is carrying now? When all it really matters is the life that is growing inside of me. During the 10 minute ride I thought about a lot. How many Moms have to spend their whole pregnancy on a bed in order to give birth? How many Moms don’t have it so easy and end up giving their own lives for their babies? How many Moms really hurt themselves and have to go through all the pain and grieving that losing a child can cause? Thankfully the doctor said that everything was ok.  I just pulled a few muscles in my pelvis; I needed to rest, put a lot of ice on it, and simply take it easy. After a couple days in bed, I can now walk slowly and without help. I am better, I am happier and I am trying to understand that everything I feel right now is just part of this beautiful gift of being pregnant.

(You can follow Vanessa's journey on Instagram @colombianyogi)